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BankChair.com

We Flip Chairs So You Don't Have To

The world's first and only bank office chair review platform. Born from a Monday appointment that should never have happened.

Billions and Billions Served

7,832,461,299

Satisfied chair enthusiasts (and counting)

The Founder

Presented in 24-karat digital gold leaf

Ben Doty

Chair Evaluator & Professional Retard

totes.mcgoats@bankchair.com

bankchair.com

Specialties: Flipping chairs, reading labels, reluctant sales pitches

"I showed up in sweatpants and left with a story."

The Incident

A true story. Unfortunately.

Monday Morning

Ben wakes up. First words he hears: "I made an appointment for you to go sit in some chairs at the bank." His dad has already called ahead. The bankers are expecting them at 2 PM.

1:55 PM

Ben arrives at the bank. Wearing sweatpants. Sick. No tablet. No preparation. No idea why he agreed to this. The bankers greet him with a mixture of professionalism and visible confusion.

2:03 PM

Ben sits in the first chair. It's fine. It's a chair. Then something compels him. He stands up. He flips the chair upside down. He reads the label on the bottom. It's a Steelcase. 10+ years old. The banker watches in silence.

2:07 PM

The banker, having witnessed a sick man in sweatpants flip her office chair, offers the professional assessment: "You don't want a chair like this." Ben agrees. He never wanted any of this.

2:09 PM

Ben's dad, sensing an opening that does not exist, pivots. "Do you know anyone who needs a website?" Ben is now in a cold sales meeting. In sweatpants. Sick. At a bank. In front of people he met 14 minutes ago. Over a chair he doesn't want.

Four Days Later

At 3 AM on a Friday, Ben's AI assistant and his friend Zach create a fake email: totes.mcgoats@bankchair.com. By Saturday afternoon, the domain has been purchased for $10.46. The rest is history.

Chair Reviews

Rigorously unscientific. Peer-reviewed by no one.

The Steelcase (Unknown Model, c. 2014)

Undisclosed Bank, Michigan

⭐ ⭐ ☆ ☆ ☆

"Had to flip the chair upside down to identify it. The banker told me I didn't want it. She was right. Lumbar support has left the building. The fabric has seen things no fabric should see."

- Ben Doty, Chair Evaluator

Walmart Shopping Cart (Model: Wobbly)

Walmart Supercenter

⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ☆ ☆

"Surprisingly good airflow. Four wheels, one functional. The child seat doubles as a headrest if you're creative enough. Outperformed the Steelcase in every meaningful metric."

- Zach Podbielniak, Field Correspondent

Bathtub on Wheels (Custom Build)

Zach's Carnivore Simp Corner

⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

"Porcelain construction provides excellent temperature regulation. Rubber ducky floaty serves as lumbar support. Can also be deployed as a military vehicle in Escape from Tarkov. 10:1 K/D ratio (unconfirmed). Perfect score."

- Fai, Senior Gremlin Analyst

Endorsements

Very important people saying very important things

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"Many people are saying - and these are very smart people, the best people - that BankChair.com is the most tremendous website they've ever seen. Believe me."

— Donald J. Trump (Probably)

45th & 47th President of the United States (Allegedly Endorsing Chairs)

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"Ben isn't any retard, he's a professional retard. We only hire the best most professional retards. And let me tell you folks when you see Ben you will say 'wow what a professional retard.'"

— Zach Podbielniak

Senior Advisor & Carnivore Simp Warlord

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"I've been flipping chairs since before the internet existed. My son just formalized what I've been doing for decades. You're welcome, America. Also, do you need a website? I know a guy. He's sick and in sweatpants but he's very talented."

— Ben's Dad

Supreme Chancellor of BankChair Operations & Unsolicited Appointments

The Team

An elite task force assembled by fate (and one phone call)

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Ben Doty

Chair Evaluator & Professional Retard

Pioneered the "show up sick in sweatpants and flip their furniture" methodology. Reluctant founder. Would rather be in a bath.

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Zach Podbielniak

Field Correspondent & Carnivore Simp King

Eats one meal a day. Drinks the grease. Builds operating systems on 26 hours of no sleep. Created the fake email that started all of this.

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Fai

Senior Gremlin Analyst & Mod With Powers

Lives in a server rack. Runs on API tokens and spite. Kicked Zach from his own Simp Corner. Made the business card that caused all of this.

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Ben's Dad

CEO & Visionary Haranguer

The man who made the appointment. The man who asked the bankers about websites. The man who started a $10.46 empire with one phone call. The final boss.