🪑 Product Reviews

"Dad saw these on TikTok as stock tank pools and said 'that's just a big chair with water in it.' He was wrong but I climbed in anyway. Dry. In the store. The rim is exactly the wrong height for everything. Too tall to be a chair. Too short to be a standing desk. Your knees are either in your face or dangling like you're five. The metal was hot from sitting in the sun near the entrance. I now have a brand on my left thigh that says TARTER. An employee told me it was for horses. I told him I was aware."

"Dad had a flat. While we waited for the guy inside to find the right lug wrench, dad told me to 'test the spare.' I thought he meant check the PSI. He meant sit on it. In the parking lot. It's a donut spare so it's already humiliating by design. The rubber has some give, which is more than the Steelcase ever offered. You sink into it slightly, like a sad tire throne. The hole in the middle is a design flaw if you're using it as a chair. I learned this the hard way."

"Dad pointed at a cactus and said 'that one looks sturdy.' It was not sturdy. It was a cactus. I do not know why I listened. I sat down slowly, which somehow made it worse because there was time to reconsider and I didn't. The spines went through my shorts immediately. I stood up faster than I have ever stood up in my life. I am not being dramatic when I say this was the worst moment of the entire BankChair evaluation program, and I sat on a traffic cone. The traffic cone was a massage compared to this. The cactus won instantly, violently, and without negotiation."

"This one's actually a real chair. It has a seat. A backrest. Cup holder. I'm not being ironic. The John Deere E120 has better ergonomics than 80% of the items in the BankChair portfolio. The seat is padded. It swivels. It's at a comfortable height. Dad sat on the one next to me and we just sat there for fifteen minutes like we were at a drive-in movie but the movie was the lumber aisle. A Lowe's associate asked if we needed help. Dad said we were comparison shopping desk chairs. She thought he was joking. He was not."

"Dad took a wrong turn and we ended up at a monument supply place. He said 'while we're here.' I sat on a display headstone. It was cold. It was granite. It was engraved with 'BELOVED FATHER' which felt pointed. The surface is polished smooth, which means zero traction. You slide off a headstone. That's not a metaphor, it's physics. A woman who worked there came out and stared at me. I got up. Dad asked about her website."

"Surprisingly comfortable if you don't mind sitting at a 15-degree angle on a fiberglass hull in the middle of a retail establishment. Good width. Excellent arm rest situation if you drape them over the gunwales. A man in a Bass Pro vest asked me to get out. I told him I was evaluating it as a desk chair. He did not ask follow-up questions. He just walked away. Dad was already at the kayak section doing reconnaissance."

"Dad made me sit in the basket while he pushed me around the store. I am a grown adult man. The child seat area doubles as a headrest if you're creative enough and have no remaining sense of self-worth. Surprisingly good airflow. Four wheels, one functional. The wobble provides a gentle rocking motion that is either soothing or a sign of structural failure. Outperformed the Steelcase in every meaningful metric."

"Had to flip the chair upside down to identify it. The banker told me I didn't want it. She was right. Lumbar support has left the building. The fabric has seen things no fabric should see. This chair has been in service for over a decade in a financial institution, absorbing the stress of every denied loan application and every awkward small-talk session about interest rates. It radiates sadness. I was in sweatpants. It was a Monday. I was sick. Dad was already asking about websites."